he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
