I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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