member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
