...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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