well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
