also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
