Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
