It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont even know how to be here
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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