She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
