You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
