my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
