He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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