butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
