You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
