I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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