in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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