i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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