they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sarcasm needs its own font
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
