I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm really busy with my period
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