That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
