You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We are all done wearing pants today
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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