It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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