I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
