Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
