i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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