Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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