Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
