and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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