My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
