that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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