dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
