Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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