Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
