Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
