There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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