God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
