she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
