im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
