Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
