she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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