people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
