omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
