Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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