booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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