he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
