just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
