someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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