I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
