i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
