New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
