nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
