hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
