Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
